Well its going to be a very long update about my life.

7 March: We had another quarrel. For many nights i cried silently, not daring to let my parents know about my pain. I went to school with swollen eyes, telling everyone i didn't sleep well the night before. I couldn;t tell anyone about it. I chose this path myself. Now i have to face the consequences myself.

The quarrel continued for the next few days. I couldn't take it anymore. I chose to cut myself. I was too naive, too trusting. I thought what we had was true love. You didn't care at all. You didn't even bother to reply my texts. Again i cried. After many texts, you finally agreed to meet me.

11 March: We met after i was dismissed from dance. You told me, you wanted to break up. One moment you said you had internal bleeding, another moment you said you wanted to concentrate on your studies. I was acrimonious. They're all excuses, your excuses. You should have thought of all these befor you asked for this relationship. Yet you took me as your toy. I should have known. I should have listened to them. But there's no point crying after spilled milk. You sent me home for the last time on bus 307. You held my hand, hugged me. But it didn't last long. You then buried your head in your hands again, while i looked out of the window, frantically trying to hold back my tears. You told me to go back to him, and that you had internal bleeding, and for my future, we couldn't be together. You were so ready to let go of this relationship, it seemed as if you didn't care about me anymore. I cried, i begged you not to do it. But you didn't listen and pushed me away. I held your hand tightly, but you told me to leave you alone. I followed you, you told you were in love with another girl, and that girl was my friend. I knew you were just saying that to make me give up, but i was still hurt deeply. My mom saw the whole thing when she came downstairs, and she brought me home. As we got into the lift, tears started streaming down my face. When i reached home, i threw my books on the floor, took a knife, went into my room and locked the door. At that time,you came again. My mom answered the door. You told her a pack of lies. LIES. You twisted facts. I could hear you from my room. That was the last time i saw you. I cried in my room, cut myself again. I sacrificed so much, so much, for us. My father counselled me for a long time in my room, and again, i broke down and wept. I had let God and my parents down. All because of you.

I had to move on. I left youth group as i couldn't face her anymore. You used her. That was how despicable you were. I followed my father to Covenant, and i really enjoyed it there.

I really don't know what to say anymore. Well, people say time heals all wounds. But i don't think it willl ever heal.

I spent everyday plastering fake smiles on my face. This was a big blow to me, but i was determined not to let it affect my studies.

There were days when i missed you badly, but there were also days when i wanted so much to kill you.

Its all too confusing. I don't understand your love.

I have tried to move on, but to no avail.

It hurts me to see that you're surviving well without me.

It really hurts.

Michelle, you're so useless. STUPID FAILURE.