Nat , i seriously need your tickling now. Feeling pissed at some fking asshole. *Takes deep breath and exhales*

I , seriously feel like commiting suicide. Influence from Haqqan alr. :)

Don't think i'm gonna reply anyone's texts now. :/
I don't even think i want to go to school or go out tmr. Just want to crawl into my bed and sleep to forget about the unhappiness for the time being , before waking up from a nightmare , choking on my tears , realising i've nobody to pour my sorrows to. That feeling is terrible. And i don't think i can take this anymore. I wished you've never stepped into my life. I wish i could go back in time when he was still around and that he never left. Remembered once , he saw me crying. He asked me what happened , i refused to say and tried to run away. I'll never forget the way he pulled me back , into his arms and told me , "Hush now. I'm here." The way i buried my head in his chest , that feeling was really nice. But now , all that's left are just the memories. Well , FML.

School was awesome? HAHA. Home econ practical , i actually managed to cook pretty well. :)
However , burnt my hand. :X Dance was horrible. The killer warm ups. Haha went out to slack during breaktime then saw haqqan. LOL we smiled then pointed the middle finger again haha. :) And he called me sotong again. =.= GRR. Bus-ed home. Going to CGM to practise for worship tmr , so don't bother texting me. Reading again so bye.

I love you. But something is seriously wrong with me.

My mind's in confusion. How can i love him wholeheartedly? God , this is terrible.

Alright , i'm already late for tuition. And i haven't bathed yet. Aww , crap. :/ Well , i'll post later in the night so bye.

UHHHHH! *Bangs head in frustration* Some people can be real dumb not to understand what you're hinting to when it's so obvious already. Or maybe they're just acting dumb for me to say it out? Hmmm. And is love supposed to hurt? Hmph.

I wasn't very hyper after church yesterday. Somehow i had this feeling of breaking down again but i realised i had no one to turn to. They won't understand the pain anyway. I prayed , then started crying. I'm useless. FML. I hate crying myself to sleep but sometimes i just can't help it. FML.

I wan YOUTH OUTING! :( Haha anyone interested in going ice skating again? HAHAHA. School was okay and Ms Lim allowed us to use phone ! :) Chinese lesson , teahcer kept talking about 孙悟空 and the buddhist stuff. WTH. Suddenly felt really tired so buried my head in my bag and slept. :) had assembly till 3 then went to lot 1 with kat , jenn and xiaojing.
We slacked in the library till like 5? haha bus-ed home with jenn.
Oh yea cooked fried rice by myself. HAHA for the home-econ practical this wednsday. :/
Well , i'm going to read my book again so bye.
Praying hard that i'll survive tmr. :X

This is how we know , that you have loved us first.
This is where we chose , to love you in return.

I feel so useless when clearly i want you to stay , but i don't even dare to speak up.
Whenever you ask me , "Are you okay?" , i force myself to say "i'm okay. :)" when i'm actually crying already.
In my heart , i miss you so much , yet i can't say it out.
Why must i keep letting my mind control me , instead of my heart?
Why can't i just look into your eyes , tell you that i love you , instead of avoiding you whenever we meet? Because i feel inferior. I'm not one of those pretty girls , i'm not smart , not talented , i'm useless.

Saturday : Went to yeele's house to practise for worship. :) It was fun haha. Practised till 8+ then yeele and amelia cooked prata to eat. ^^ Daddy fetched us home after that.

Today , wasn't the awesome day i expected. :/ had youth in the morning , played guitar and keyboard for worship. Haha overall , i think it was quite a sucess? :) Service , boring cus i was really tired , must be the medicine. :X Didn't sing during worship , sorry God. I promise i'll sing next week. :) I promise.

I'm praying hard that the week goes by fast. I'm going to collapse sooner or later. :/ well , i'm off to read the book i borrowed from uncle william , "The Heavenly Man" :) This time i'm sure i won't fall asleep. It's a really good book and i LOVE it. :) Haha bye.

For you so loved the world that you gave your only son , love amazing so divine , we will love you in return.
For this life that you give , for the death that you have died , love amazing so divine , we will love you in reply.

Some people , you can't trust their words.
Whatever they say , will never be true.
I waited , but it didn't happen. I felt like crying then.
Enough of all the lies and sweet nothings.
I'll never believe any of it anymore.
The decision hasn't been made yet ,
But i'll still continue to wait while praying.
I'm not the gullible and naive girl you can easily sweet talk to , anymore.


Haha he's coming back ! Looking forward to his arrival so we can spent time together again. :) And my voice is finally back to normal , but still abit weird. :/

When i was with him , i was thinking about you.
I wished that you were here , but you weren't.
I'm so useless , i don't even have the courage to tell you how i really felt.
This is the last time i'm ever doing this.
From this day on , i'm never hiding my feelings anymore.


Thank God friday's over :) Got up from a nightmare in cold sweat this morning. The nightmare seemed so real. I'm crossing my fingers , that it won't happen. :/ And don't ask me about it or i'll get all moody again. Daddy fetched me to school , we were halfway there when i realised i forgot to take my phone. FML. Daddy was acrimonious. <--- kat , this is for you. ^^) We turned back , mommie came downstairs to give me my phone. Lessons were okay. People kept saying me and haqqan having scandal. WTF. But we didn't care at all. :) I wanted to slack during the dance warm ups but in the end , senior came to press my legs down. Ouch. :X Well , going for cell group later. Hope i don't fall asleep ! :)

_l_ <-- Haqqan , this is for you. HA! :)

Dance's tmr again. This time its the gay instructor. Jeez.

School was awesome. Literature test postponed to next week. :) Lessons were fun esp. during sci HAHA. Mdm Goi brought in a condom , and its real with all the lubricant. OMG. Everybody went hyper when she passed it around. :) And yes , i cried once again , this time in school and haqqan , jx and LV were shocked , and kept asking me what happened. And its all because of an asshole. Fish him. After school , walked to canteen with kat for a snack then went for eng UNSW lesson. It sucked cus we had test straightaway. :/ Ms Lim released us early , so kat and i went to lot 1 again , cus she wanted to buy lip gloss then bus-ed home to get ready for tuition. LOL i thought tuition was going to be boring , but i was wrong. The guys there were super hilarious and i couldn't help but to laugh. :) Haqqan smsed me in the evening and we had a nice chat , or isit counselling session? Haha he was thinking of commiting suicide. -___- I got so fed up , i sent him a super long message , the longest sms i ever sent in my whole life. LOL. Well haqqan , you better thank me for being such a good friend k. :) Kidding! Haha my advice , don't think too much , get some sleep tonight , so you don't sleep in class tmr and i have poke you to wake you up. :> Well , i'm going to practise guitar alr so bye. Oh yea , just found out from haqqan , GG = good game? O.O

I want to stop thinking about you ,
why can't you just let me be?
Why can't i just tell you how much i miss you?
Telling you its okay , when i'm actually bleeding inside.
Well , i'm useless and that's it. :/

Well , i killed alot of trees today. :/ Used too much tissues alr HAHA. Lessons were okay , i slept during math lesson cus mrs ching didn't come. :) I was moody but kat cheered me up and i got better by talking to haqqan. ^^ And i think kat's gonna give me toberon chocolate tmr ! :) And and i'm getting better , all that's left is the runny nose , its still running like crazy. :/ Dance was okay except for the warm ups , which sucked cus my legs were hurting ttm. Tmr got literature test , i'm sure i'm gonna die in it cus i haven't read the book at all , not even a single page. Please , what's so exciting about a flour baby? ( Title of the book. ) Going to spent the night reading all 5 chapters of it so wish me luck that i don't fall asleep while reading it. :) And my schedule for tmr is packed . Got selected by teachers to go for the eng UNSW. So i need to go for lessons from 2-3. Then after that still have to rush to make-up tuition lesson at yew tee. ARGH.

See you all on sunday !

HIHIHI. :)

Went to see the doctor today. Only got one day of mc. That means i still need to go for dance tmr. UHHH. Someone kill me please. Oh yea , thanks for the texts from dear friends. (:

Well , just ate medicine. Grandma's gonna force me to drink the bitter tea later )': Yuck. Cried just now , because there were alot of unhappiness bottled up inside of me , yet can't tell anyone. FML. Michelle , you better stop crying. *slap*

Going to nap now , bye.

This is going to be a very long post.

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AHH. I'm down with fever , my nose's running like crazy and a super terrible sore throat. FML. )': Went to school , throat hurted so much , i didn't want to talk. Haqqan was curious , why i didn't talk to him. History lesson , i blur blur , din bring my textbook. Shared with haqqan , stll din want to talk. He got fed up , took the book away , asked me to talk. I got pissed off then finally started talking. HAHA. Lessons were terrible , cus i was stuck in the stuffy classroom and under the fan. Hot and cold at the same time. @.@ After school , went to lot 1 with kat , weihui and jenn. It was raining heavily , but we only had one umbrella. In the end , we got all drenched. But it was fun running in the rain though. My fever's sure gonna get worse. )': Reached lot 1 , ate at food junction then bought kat a fedora for her b'day pressie. Hope she likes it. (: She went home after that , then jenn , wh and i went to library to slack. Chatted till 5+ then bus-ed home with jenn. Got scolded by grandma for going home late. She sure gonna tattle-tale to daddy. But who cares. Tonight's gonna be a sleepless night again , all because of the throat. Crap. )':

Sick , but can't tell anybody , if not i'll get screamed at by mommie. I guess i'll just take a pill , pray and hope i'll get better the next day.

I had forgotton about you. But when aunt brought you into the topic that day , memories of you came flooding back to me , and i cried. We were both young when i first saw you. Our families were somehow related. I remembered how we used to play together when we were young and how we didn't care about what people said about the way we behaved. Well , things changed when we slowly started to grow up. We had our own lives , our studies and slowly , we didn't meet that often anymore. And as teenagers , we couldn't do alot of the things we did last time. I vividly remember when aunt brought us longkang fishing. The way we playfully punched each other's shoulder, how you used to laugh at me for not being able to catch any fish. People thought we were going to be a couple in the future. But we didn't. I still remember the day , when aunt told me his family was emigrating , and i cried , cus i didn't want you to go. In the end , you still left. The last few days before you left , we spent most of the time together and you promised you would come back. The day you left , i didn't have time to send you off at the airport , i'm sorry. I waited and waited till one day aunt told me you were coming back. I was so happy. You came to my house and we chatted alot. ^^ That was one of the happiest days i had. I was reluctant when you said you had to leave but i had to let you go.
I cried once again that night. All i want to say is , i really miss you but not as someone i love , but as a brother. I'll be waiting. (:

Well , that's enough of the past. I hope i get an mc on wed. ^^ Got to go chiong hw alr. I don't know how i'm gonna survive this week , but i hope it gets past fast.

Back from overnight praise and one word to say , TIRED.

19032010: OVERNIGHT PRAISE ! (:

Daddy pulled me out of bed again at 7+ , right in the middle of my dream. That dream was super nice k. D: Woke up , couldn't find my spectacles. Crap. Too blur alr. @.@ We couldn't find , so i had to wear back my old one. HAHA and guess what? I found it in my bag. Got scolded for wasting time. FML.

Went to grandma house , i nothing to do , go disturb my sis. ^^ HAHA. Aunt brought me , xuan and mei to sakae for lunch. (: Ordered curry udon but as usual , couldn't finish it then kept dumping my food to mei. LOL. Me and xuan , kept grabbing plates off the conveyor belt. The sashimi and tempura rocked. (: Went to cotton on , bought a skirt and shorts. Then aunt bought me a new wallet ! LOL went home after that , used comp and bathed before going to nat's house at 8. Daddy fetched me there. ^^ Nat and i watched alot of nigahiga videos again hees. Then met whitney at interchange and took lrt there. LOL keat hong actually has sakura and suki sushi lorh. Shocking. Nat even thought we went to the wrong place and kept asking "is this keat hong?" Slacked downstairs. Nat was playing with my teddy. ((: slept for a while. At 11+ , praise began. Was tired alr. Then discussion , made me more sleepy. AHH. Cannot tahan alr. It ended at 6+ then went to mac with them. Didn't eat anything. I was either crapping to nat or sleeping. Bus-ed home with jenn at 7. Reached grandma house at 8. Slept till 9 then daddy came to fetch me home. Slept till 2 then daddy pulled me out of bed again for tuition. GRR. After tuition , went to grandma house for dinner then went home. Practised guitar. ((: Mommie forced me to sleep at 9 =.=

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SUNDAY ! (: Had games ! LOL nice workout for hands. Played guitar for youth. Disaster. My strumming too fast alr. :/ After that , went for breakfast with youths. Didn't attend service today cos i pei nat for duty. Duty downstairs was scary and chaotic. Jieyang kept looking at me during worship =.= then nathan was laughing at nat with a perverted look + smile. *shiver* And i din even know when did nat amelia and me become jonas's girlfriends. -.-" I asked him , he said , cos we pretty so become his girlfriends. ROFL. Potential playboy in future. Tsk tsk.

School's starting tmr. Sheesh. CCA resuming. Just kill me.

From now on , i'll never trust you ever again.
I don't know what you're trying to hint at me , but i won't fall for it anymore.
People warned me against you , but i didn't listen.
You claimed that ______ , but is that really true ?!
I can't take any of this anymore.
I want the truth.
I want to be alone to think ,
to make a decision. God , i need your help.
My decision may hurt alot. But i'll still stick to it no matter what.
I'm sorry.

FRIDAYYY! OMG I'M FREAKING EXCITED ! (: My teddy's all set for me to sleep on ! Well , see you all later. ^^

HIHIHI.

This post going to be a post filled mostly with people(s) , i(s) and what if(s).

-I hate people who flirt. (Although everyone does it ;P) If you have to do it , at least do it discreetly and not in front of my face.

-I hate smsing people who reply late. :/ (Although i do reply late also.)

-What if this is just a joke ? Maybe i'm just deluding myself. They are just waiting for someday , when they are going to say "Oh michelle , we were just playing with you , all of this isnt true. " Then they are all going to laugh at you for being such a retard , all this while , actually believing what they said. Then i'm going to run to you , asking you to tell me the truth , but you just sniggered and say that you lied about everything you said to me. Then i'll be left alone , crying.

-Whenever mommie screams at me at every little thing , i feel like shouting STFU in her face. But i don't.

-I won't believe whatever he says anymore. Cus i know , he's saying that just to make me happy. And when he doesn't need you anymore , he chucks you away.

-People keep saying , "oh , i'll do this , i'll do that for you." But they NEVER do it.

-I'm so freaking tired of waiting.

-People are starting to hate one another , spreading rumours etc. What's happening? God , please help us.

-People may say "Oh its okay. *smiles*" but inside , they may be saying something else. Well , this is reality.

-The truth hurts , but the lies hurt even more.

LOL and i'm so looking forward to friday ! (:

FRIDAYYYY!

I'm crossing my fingers that i won't fall asleep during overnight praise on friday. But i'm prepared alr , bringing my big sized teddy to church ! ((: Haha and yes , i'm sharing it with nat so we can both conk out together on it. HAHA. But if anyone else needs it , i can lend it to you too. ^^ Looking forward to be filled with the holy spirit together with the youths ! (:

Hais , today's going to be another super duper boring day for me. :/ Stuck at home with homework. I wan to go out ! ):

I wish you would hug me tightly and never let me go as i cry in your arms. Doing that with another guy wasn't the same.

16032010 :

Woke up super early again. ): Helped at CGM. I didn't know folding books were tiring until i tried doing it continuously for a few hours. LOL. Nowadays , i'm always moody. I realise i snap alot at people whenever they try to talk to me. And i always have this urge to break down and cry in front of everyone. Nat and the others could tell that i was in a bad mood once they saw me. Some people just didn't bother.

Nat , EnQi ,gerald , whitney and jenn came today (: Tea break was awesome cus we were laughing at how jenn poured the soy bean milk for me LOL. She don't know how to pour , pour all over the place. I ate 3 big pieces of pizza bread. Nat took alot of pics HAHA. After work , went to west mall with nat and jenn. ^^ Had great fun yea. Went to nat's house after that. Watched alot of nigahiga videos and she showed me a video , about an indian man singing on the train. LOL damn hilarious. Bus-ed home at 4 for tuition. Well , good night people.

I hate it when i want to cry , but i have to blink it back , so i don't spoil the mood.
I hate it when those fking assholes , do not give a damn about how people feel. Assholes who only care about themselves.

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Woke up super early cus sis needed to go to school and i had to follow my daddy to my grandma house. :X My eyes were barely open. LOL. OMG SO BORING with only the comp and tv. I was meeting jenn at 4 so pompom-ed at 3 , changed and left the house. (: Reached lot 1 interchange , met enqi , amelia and yeeyang. Walked there. Haha my mood wasnt very hyper that day so didn't talk much and walked really fast. Reached mr choo's house ! Haha finally saw nat ! ((: Then made pizza ! Terriyaki pizza was really nice and i ate like 2 pieces of it? Mmmm. ^^ Got bored and pissed after that cus..NVM. Went over to charlene's house to play with her hammies ! (: and sorry jenn for not asking you along haha didn't know you felt the same way as us. Went back after a while. Mood changed again. I wanted to cry , but i had to blink it back so i walked to the window , stared at the night scenery. This sucks ttm. Now i finally know how she felt back then. Fking assholes.

Went home early that day , and i was actually feeling happy. Weird. Cried in the car and when i was bathing that night.

If this helps ,
I don't like being forced to do things i don't like.
But , i like being forced by people to do things i like.

And as the thunder rolls , i can barely hear you whisper through the rain , "i'm with you.."

14032010:

Went for church again. (: This time , i slept really well. ^^ Woke up , prepared then daddy sent me to grandma's house again. Took a packet of chocolate flavoured pockeys , a few packets of oreo and a packet of gummy bear , hoping to give it to nat but she didn't come. :X Played piano for the nursery kiddies , but almost all the songs went wrong. -___- Went back for youth. Had discussions then went for breakfast. Discovered something big , which sent me , amelia and most of the youths laughing. BWAHAHAHA. Service was okay. It rained heavily so amelia's mother volunteered to fetch me , amelia , ambrose , yeeyang to Lot 1 for lunch. (: Met jingkai at food junction then off we went to Orchard ! Took bus 190. Ambrose and jingkai nothing to do , kept tapping me and amelia's shoulder. LOL. When we reached , me and amelia went shopping while the guys went to buy tickets for the movie. Shopped till 5+ then amelia and i went in to movie theatre to sit while the guys , again , queued outside , buying popcorn and drinks. HAHA. Movie was okay but the air con too shiok alr. :/ After the movie , we shop shop again before taking the mrt back home. I bought a snack haha cus i was a little hungry. LOL mrt ride home was awesome haha ambrose and amelia hyper , make me LOL. (: Later going to mr choo's house for pizza ! And we're making our own ! AWESOME !

My thoughts continued to haunt me , even though i had pushed them away.

Yesterday went for cell group with daddy. Was very tired again. :X Hais. Sorry God. During sermon , i was either sleeping while burying my face in my bag or using phone to get into the internet. I went to the toilet two times , just to wash my face , to keep myself awake. When sermon ended , i went down to sleep again. It was really really nice. (: He came down also. But i was so tired , i just slept in front of him. HAHA my sleeping posture sure very unglam lorh. ^^

Omg , i want hold your hand. But i was afraid. WHY? Stupid me.
HAHA. French kiss is still awesome. (Not that i tried it out horh.)
I'm moody now. Great. :/

Went to library with jenn today to study. Haha see i so guai horh. ;P She didn't know how to do a question then i teached her. Haha i know i'm being lame now. -___- And guess what , we saw her. Omg so scary. However , i was laughing when i saw how fast jenn walked. HAHA. Bus-ed home with her.

School was awesome. (: Teacher allowed us to slack and use handphone in class leh. ^^ Me and kat , nothing to do , wrote a story abt someone. ;P We were LOL-ing the whole time. Then Ms Lim gave out report books. Uhh , she took like 1 hr to give out. =.= Crapped with haqqan again. ^^ We talked alot abt stuff that would happen in the future , like how my son/daughter would coincidentally marry his son/daughter LOL. Then when we meet each other again , we would be saying "You suck ttm!" to each other and our childern would be staring at us with puzzled faces. HAHA. And yea , rmb to keep your math textbook forever horh. (: We also talked abt who he would marry , haha then how he would react when his wife gave birth or if his girlfriend asked him to buy the ahem stuff. (We talked abt this topis cus Mdm goi was teaching us this.) LOL and btw , you still suck ttm larh. ;P Well , got my report book and is satisfied with the results. (: I got straight As for all except for sci , B4. T.T HAHA , i shall go take a nap now , before going to church for cell group later. :/

I'm curious at the moment , hmmm , wondering how does french kissing feel like? HAHA. Itching to try it out. ;P

OMG. My stomach cramps hurt ttm. ): Oh God , help me ease them.

Kat , jenn and i went to lot 1 just now. (: And guess what! I bought a dress from cotton on! I was eying it for so long alr , but they didnt have my size. ): But , finally , after so long , i found size XS! (: Hees. Happy! Jenn so nice , treated me and kat to fries. We ate somewhere near the mrt station and it's quite remote. Kat gave me part of her pie too. ((: After that , sent kat home then bus-ed home with jenn.

School was okay. Had terrible stomach cramps today cus of that. :/ Hais. And to add on to it , haqqan kept disturbing me. Hmmm.

Haqqan : *playing with my pens , talking and singing.* =.=

Me : Can you please stop it please ? I'm having terrible stomach cramps now and i don't have energy to fight with you okay.

Haqqan : Haha why cramp ?

Me : *Fed up* I got my m_____ larh can ?

Haqqan : Oh okay. *Returns me all my pens* I don't disturb you alr. ;P

Me : Haha thanks. *rests head on the table*

Haha he's a great guy whenever he's not emoing cus we talk/play/poke each other. (: But , we're just friends k ? HAHA.

I'm so looking forward to the holidays , when i can sleep till like 1 in the afternoon without anybody disturbing me. ((: Oh i'm looking forward to the outings too !

Lastly , my results.

English : Not sure yet.

Math : A1 (:

Chinese : A1 (:

Sci : B4 :/

Geography : A1 (:

History : Not sure.

Literature : A1 (:

Hais. Still need to work more on sci . :/ I'm gonna miss nat.

This is a sorry post to somebody.

Hey , i don't know what happened between us today , but i know it's entirely just my fault. I'm sorry for making you walk fast to keep up with my fast pace , despite your leg cramp. I'm sorry. Gomenasai. (japanese) Désolé.(french) 미안합니다.(japanese) Lo siento.(spanish) Es tut mir Leid.(German) I promise you , that i'll never do it again. I'm sorry for making you hurt about not having communication between us. I'm sorry. I'll never avoid you ever again. However, if i do it again , then i'm not worth your love.

I realised something about you today.
Don't ask me about it.
Again , even if i don't say anything , it doesn't mean that i don't care.
You just don't understand.
I yearn to be in your arms.
But seriously , it's never going to happen.
Michelle , you ought to wake up from this silly fantasy of yours.

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Woke up at 5+ today. Washed up. Daddy fetched me to lot 1 mrt station to meet kat and najibah.
It was raining. :X Haha walked in the rain. Hope i get sick. (: Reached clementi stadium , sport's day was cancelled. BOO. Took bus back to school. Didnt have alot of lessons. ^^ Hanna drank 12 cups of milo haha in the end , she felt like vomitting. Took a video of her. (: after school went out with katrina , jenn and weihui. Wasnt that hyper. Don't know why. Saw nat! (: She buying hammies? HAHA. I want sunday to come faster! Hais. Don't feel like eating dinner. I guess i should just skip it. Starve myself to death without anyone caring. Hais. I don't think i can get to sleep tonight. Last few nights , i've been tossing and turning in bed and staring blankly at the ceiling. I can't take this anymore. ):

To _________: Hey i know you're feeling miserable now. However , as i promised you , i'll be always there for you whenever you need someone to chat with maybe even someone to hug. See i so good friend hor. ;P

Although i don't say anything , it doesn't mean that i don't care.
Even if i'm don't want you to do that , what rights do i have to stop you?
In your eyes , i'm just another girl.
I look at what you look at.
My heart skips a beat whenever our eyes meet.

09032010:

Awesome-ness! Feeling super hyper now cus i almost finished a tube of cadbury chocolate. Mmmm. Yumyum~! School was okay today. Haqqan didn't emo! (: Haha whenever he emos , it's hell for me. We were super hyper during math haha kept poking each other. ^^ Then he sang that pervertic farmer song. Make me laugh till didnt pay attention. =.= LOL he say he wan marry my daughter. WTH. Went to lot 1 for lunch with kat again. Then took bus back to school for training. BOO. ): It ended at 4 then walked to bus stop with hanna and haqqan. Tmr sport's day. Need to wake up at 5+ leh. ): I still wan my sleeeeep! ):

I realised there're more sad faces than smiley faces in the post.

Haha i'm posting again.

-There's sci test tmr. Didnt study much today. Hope i dont flunk sci. ):
-I hate the school's music lessons. However , i love music.
-Going to play piano and guitar later! (:
-I feel like crying out loud.
-I'm not sure whether God is actually answering my prayers.
-Posting about my results tmr. And im actually looking forward to it. =.=
-I want to sleep longer.
-I want the weekends to come faster.
-I dont want to go for sci tuition , where the people there are so much smarter than me , (why do they even go for tuition?!) And i feel like a retard. And i spend waste an hour and a half there , staring at the ceiling , doodling and not paying attention. And daddy pays $120 for it.
-I want the holidays back.
-Some people have super thick skins.
-I love you , but i can't help but to avoid you whenever we meet. I feel useless.
-I'm sorry.
-Mommie's being unreasonable. I can't take it anymore. At least daddy still cares about how i feel. Mommie just screams at me even when i'm feeling pissed/sad/moody. Trust me , me and her ,we dont see eye to eye at ALL. i wonder , seriously , how my sister puts up with her. No wonder she had that problem when she was younger.

I'm not looking forward to tmr. ):

I love you and that's all i really know.
I'm always weak.
I cry easily.
I feel like slapping myself hard in the face.
I shoudn't have laughed cus i ended up , worse.
Michelle , you've got to face up to reality.

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Today was awesome ttm. (: I hope it'll be like this everyday. Lessons were okay. Today during eng , we had filing. Crap larh i always hate filing cus all i did for the whole three months was to stuff whatever worksheet i had in one single pocket file. Hais. Had a terrible time finding the worksheets. ): Worst thing was , haqqan kept saying that i sucked. Blech. You suck ttm okay. ;P Home econ was super funny. Jianxiong forgot to zip =.= LOL! Hanna was the one who noticed it HAHA. Me and kat were laughing till we dropped to the floor. ^^ Even the teacher was laughing lorh. Hais poor him , was teased for the whole day. After that was math. Mrs ching announced the results for the 2nd math test. I was like saying "OMG die liao die liao." then haqqan kept saying that he would confirm fail. In the end , i was the only one in class who scored full marks. =.= Thank you God (: Oh and LV farted again. =.= Wth freaking stinky de lorh. >.< I took haqqan's deoderant to spray the area haha sorry larh haqqan , for wasting your deoderant. Had assembly then went to lot 1 with kat. Bought new sandals from cotton on! (: and also birthday pressie for..shhhh , secret. :X We bought food and went up to roof garden to eat. Met jingting , jermane and natashya there (: Then my feet started to cramp. ): Hais. Was screaming in pain. Luckily got kat , if not i'll be so helpless.

Why can't we just be together? Why must we keep avoiding each other when we meet? God , please. Help me. I'm falling apart alr. )':

I was angry. I played "blessed be your name" on the guitar. Daddy came in , suddenly told me to cry out everything i was angry with. I continued playing , tears just dropped. I couldn't control it. Cried alot today. there must have been alot of unhappiness inside of me. ):
I just hope i dont get puffy red eyes tmr and let Haqqan laugh at me.
It's funny how anger slowly morphs into sadness.
You lied.

Currently addicted to this christian song , "Hear our praises" (:

I miss youth camp , i miss retreat , i miss the days when i went to CGM to help for the grad , i miss the days when i didnt need to wake up at 6+ in the morning and worry abt tests and homework. I miss the dec holidays. ): But all that's left are just memories.

Today , wasnt the bestest day ever. Yesterday didnt sleep well . Woke up at 5+ in the morning , then couldn't go back to sleep. Tossed and turned in my bed. Kept looking at the clock. Time seemed to pass so slowly. I lied in my bed and stared at the ceiling till 7am. Told daddy i wanted to take bus to church by myself. He agreed at first but in the end , he sent me to grandma's house at abt 8 and told me to walk to church myself. Went up to grandma's house , took a few packets of gummy bears for breakfast. (: (Ps nat , i still owe you gummy bears haha sorry. ) Arrived at church. Practised the songs i was supposed to play on the piano. Then we had worship. It only lasted for 20 mins LOL. Mr choo gave us a lecture talk on how to make the kiddies sing. ^^ Went back to youth. Had discussion then worship again! (: Jumped alot cus we wanted to force jenn to jump but she didnt. =.= Breakfast. PISSED. Dont ask me why.

Holy communion was awesome. ^^ Thank you GOD and Jesus. O.O

Tmr school again. OMG tiring week again. And im SO looking forward to the holidays.

See you youths next week. (:

Well , if you're doing this to torture me , you've succeeded. I've nothing to say.

That night , i dreamt that you were playing that piece on the piano and i was crying. WEIRD.

Yesterday night went for cell group again. Didnt feel like going at first cus was super tired . ): OMG the sermon was super super LONG and i fell asleep , burying my face in my bag. LOL went to toilet to wash face to keep myself awake. Haha jieyang was so cute teehee! We kept smiling at each other haha then he showed the his new sci magazine? (:
When sermon ended , daddy and i went home. I fell asleep again , in the car. =.=

Woke up at 11+ today. That means i slept for 13 hours straight. OMG it was great. ^^

I've got this fear deep inside of me. Every single day , i'm afraid that my worst nightmare would come and haunt me again. I seem to be deluding myself.

Whenever I try to describe how i feel when you hold me , i get butterflies lullabies , it's hard to explain.

Today was awesome. (: Had lessons till 1. Sci was uber fun ! ^^ Today we learnt abt ermm , well , reproduction. The guys went super hyper and the girls were giggling through the whole lesson =.= The worse part was that mdm goi showed us a vid abt the process of labour >.< OMG that freaked me out. I dont think i want to have children anymore haha.
We had book sharing during eng. I was the first to present , thanks to Razi. GRR. The guys kept saying my voice too soft then in the end , i had to shout and make myself look like a retard. Got back eng test results and guess what , i was the highest in class. =.= I still remember saying to myself yesterday when i was doing the paper , that i would flunk it cus the summary was killing me. Today also got back chinese result. A1 (: Waiting for sci , math , geography and history results now. ^^

I wish that you would hold me in your arms , whenever i'm crying , use your hands to wipe the tears from my face then whisper softly into my ear , that you're here and everything's gonna be all right. But i know it'll never happen.

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Had geography test today. Hope i pass. ^^
Time passes so so slow. Crap. I'm looking forward to the weekends , when there are no tests and i get to sleep for at least a few hours more. Having 2 tests tmr. Literature and math. God , please let me score well in them , esp for math. Going for tuition later. Revising for math test there.

Today brought perfume to fight with haqqan's deoderant. (: Nobody won. Haqqan got a headache cus the perfume smell was too strong. HAHAHA in your face! But now uhh , i reek of deoderant. Mixed smell somemore leh. ): During eng compre test , something hilarious happened between me and haqqan. LOL. After finishing the test , i nothing to do , ask haqqan whether i could help him write his name. =.= He said okay. Then i think he leaned too close to me when i was writing then Ms Lim was like OMG what are you two doing? Then kingston was like "ORH HOR! " Then the whole class went crazy then everybody turned to look at us. Fish him. haha. Skipped PE again today cos was really tired. I want my sleep. ):

Haha see you guys this sunday (:

Someone needs to slap the sense out of me. Haha.

School was okay. Had health check up. :X Backbone test , as i expected , positive. ): Crap. Haha i better start correcting my sitting posture now or i'll have to wear the back brace le OMG NOOO! Lessons were boring yea. Haqqan want to see my smses sia haha. Fish him. I hope he doesnt take my phone when i'm not around and send stupid messages. ^^ He emo-ed during geography period but went super-de-duper hyper during sci. (: Haha crapped alot with him. Sci was the best lesson i had in that day cos we studied abt well , biology. (: LOL i went really hyper then started to crap alot alot haha. Haqqan was like WTH? *staring at me with a disgusted face* After that , did some worksheets. Haqqan talked to me , but i didnt reply. I think he too hyper le then played with my stuff =.= GRR. Dance lasted for only one hour today YAY! (: Haha need prepare for geog test tmr. Bye people.

Caution. Parents are just unreasonable people and have minds of that of a person living in the 1970s. =.=

LOL caution. Dont let me near gummy bears or i'll keep eating and eating and eating without stopping ^^

-Haha currently addicted to gummy bears now. Argh.
-Today hmmm nothing much.
-I want to step Haqqan's shoes larh. Stupid you. Keep stepping my shoe ahh. Fish you.
-Haqqan sprayed deodorent on my bag and domo today. T.T Crap. Tmr i bring perfume then you know uhh. >:D
-Wasnt hyper today. ):
-History test : 11/16. Not good enough. Didnt read the qns carefully then wrote wrong ans.4 marks deducted. Crap.
-Was in school till like 5+ today. Tired tired tired. ):
-Went to lot 1 with kat. Laughed too hard then choked on food. HAHAHAHA.
-Hmmm. Miss youths.


Why can't i just tell him that i love him? Why must i keep worrying whether isit him or his friend using his phone? Again , they think its the best for me , but they dont realise that its killing me.

OMG. I feel like vomitting now. Argh.

Does it make you happy , seeing me hurt?
It's my fault. My fault. i hate myself ttm.

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Had ermm steamboat at amelia's house. Reached there at 4+ with enlin and enqi ^^ Then we went to playground to chat with amelia. Oh oh , we also went swimming! (: But for a while only haha. Then ate dinner. Didnt eat alot though. Was carrying rachel all over the place OMG she's so cute! ^^ went up to amelia's house to play truth or dare. But the kiddies refused to go down =.= they were like crowding outside the door and asking us "Are you guys getting married inside?" LOL. I was trying to close the door but couldnt cos jonas , was so much stronger than me. =.= He shouted QUIET! Whoa it did work. Then we played teehee! I had to do forfeit wth. Chicken dance in four directions. LOL was quite fun though. Was laughing really hard. ^^ Then did ju-on for whitney. haha was like laughing then didnt look alot like ju-on. Hais , went home at 9 )': I wanted to stay longer but my parents..argh dont want to talk about them anymore.

Thank you so much for cheering me up today when you saw me emoing. ^^ Spending time with you really rocks. You're a really great guy. Sometimes , you're so nice , i have to resist the temptation to hug you. I dont know how to thank you. You've done so so much for me. Rmb , whenever you need me , i'll always be there for you. (:

Thanks to katrina and hanna , for your laughters that made me forget abt everything that happened. ^^ I just wanna tell you guys that i LOVE you.

I love you but somehow i got this feeling , that you'll leave me one day. I can't take that feeling anymore.