Well, i'm bored, there's nothing to do so i'm posting again.
The bracelet you gave me, i don't know whether i should wear it or not.
Well, i hope to lean on your shoulder again:)
That feeling was indescribable. I regretted not leaning longer.
Well, i learnt how to cook onion omelettes and beansprouts today. :> I"M LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUTH CAMP.
ILY.
I may/may not change to use contact lenses.
I seriously want to cry on someone's shoulder now.
Back from eng unsw lesson. Urgh, i'm dead beat.
Couldn't sleep for the whole of last night.
Was thinking about alot of things.
It was only until sunrise when i fell into a deep sleep.
Sadly, the father came and woke me up as i had lessons at 8.
And i have to wake up this early for the whole of this week.
Whose fault is that?
-Me for working too hard and then getting selected to take part in exams, which i don't even want to take. And they expect us to give up our holidays just to go back for lessons. Plus, i don't get LEAP points for that.
-Or, the school, for selecting me for these exams and hence, making my holidays miserable? The cca teachers for making me go back for dance practice? Mrs ching, for making the whole class go back for math supplementary when many of us already have extra math unsw lessons? The principal, for making unsw compulsory for selected students?
Conclusion: My fault. Life has always been unfair anyway.
Many things happened today. They're not exactly happy things though.
Went out in the afternoon with him then we started walking arnd void decks. I didn't expect you to take things so seriously. If i knew, i wouldn't have said it. Because of my bluntness, i ended up chasing him up the stairs of a carpark, storey after storey, despite my stomach cramps. It got worse after that. I got acrimonious when he tried to hold me tight, so told him to leave me alone for awhile. He still followed me. I continued to run. Shortly after, i ran out of breath. I stopped and turned to look for him, but he was nowhere. Decided to go home. On the way home, i saw him. He was with his friends. He saw me too, then called my name. His friends, all turned to look at me. They must have been thinking to themselves, why did he fall for this bitch. (me) I looked at him briefly before walking away. Walked to the void deck then rested. After a while, i asked him where he was. Instead of me looking for him, he came for me. I felt this urge to hug him, but that urge disappeared fast. We walked arnd again. I kept pushing him to walk in front of me. I was in agony because of the stomach cramps. He noticed that i wasn't like myself then forced me to sit down to rest. On the way home, again i forced him to walk in front of me. He didn't want to as he was afraid i would faint halfway. Before i reached home, i asked him, "Are you okay?" He said "idk." I walked up the stairs and he walked down. I regretted not chasing after him.
Well, what's done cannot be undone. I don't expect you to forgive me. :'( I'm sorry.
I'm giving up. Throwing in the towel. Putting up the surrender flag. Letting you kill me without defending myself.
The conclusion: I'm giving up on you.
Sunday was awesome. :> Took mrt to church myself and practised piano for awhile. Mr choo said i'm becoming like jenn alrd. Had worship and dicussion before going for breakfast with nat, charlene, jenn, amelia, ambrose and grace. Ate roti prata again:) The auntie in front of nat and me was super fussy wth. Well, nat scolded the auntie under her breath and i think the man heard it then finally nat got her roti prata hahah. Service, FUN. :> went down early to change into short pants then lunched. Ate char kway teow. (Yeap, sooner or later i'll will become fat hahah.) Chatted with nat then laughed too much till the chopstick dropped and stained my WHITE shirt. Everybody was laughing i tell you. Haha nat lent me her water bottle and tissues, (3 pieces to be exact) to wipe the stain away. TYVM! :> Enqi slowpoke, everybody waiting for him hahah. Well, nat so cute. :> When she wanted to tap her card to go in, her card no money. I pei her to top up. Then when she entered, she dropped all her coins. She screamed, someone else screamed also:) Not me hor ! I became very hyper after that hahah! The mrt ride was super long. Reached raffles place then walked to minds cafe. And up the escalator, nat was singing the doraemon theme song hahah. Sat down then started to play! :> Started with uno stacko. Nat and charlene got forfeit. We forced nat to tell the china guy that he was handsome. Hahah super funny! After two rounds, we switched to another game (forgot what it's called le). Alot of hand slapping hahah. Ordered dinner at 5. Ate roast beef pasta :> Yaoguang and yaoyang came at that time. Played another game after that and when they asked for a four-letter word insult for F , i said F*** out loud and yes, everybody was laughing again. Haha the purple colour long soft toy so cuteee , you actually can sqeeze its stomach and it will sqeak! Charlene sqeezed it accidentally then we all laughed really hard. And guess what, i got the hiccups. -_- Enqi told me to hold my breath but it didn't work. I went to toilet many times. @.@ and yes, i know my bladder super small. :> Nat tried to scare me but the hiccups didnt go away. Urgh, having hiccups is very xin ku. On the mrt, i felt like vomitting then emo-ed. Sorry if i offended anyone. Luckily for me, there were seats on the next train we took. Thank God:) Reached lot 1 then nat had to go, she told whitney to protect me hahah see she so good :> Walked home with amelia:)
The must-haves for this june holiday:
-Go WWW with the nat charlene and whitney! (when we don't have our______of course)
-Go on another youth outing! This one must go for whole day hahah. :>
-Go shopping.
-SUPER-DUPER FUN YOUTH CAMP! (I hope i don't get _____ during youth camp)
-Spending time with dear friends.
Chill okay? I'll be your listening ear, just like the old times. However, there are some things which i cannot do with you anymore. You're my brother and nothing will change the fact. I'm sorry but i have to draw the line. I'll see you tomorrow then.
GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
I hate my life. See that red little sad face among those yellow smiley faces? That's me.
I'M SO BORED. -yawns-
Went shopping early in the morning and no, i'm not crazy. Bought a blouse and bag. :> I SO WANT AN IPHONE. Haqqan has one now and he's trying to tempt me with it. WTH. Well, i'm kinda looking forward to sunday, cos there is youth outing!
He's coming back:)
I'm just minutes away from going to the PTM with the parents. God bless me . :> I'm back ! Lucky me, i got no complaints:) Got 2nd in class, and yea -high fives kat- And miss lim said i'm top 5 in whole level? @.@ OMG. Well, thank God :> Miss Lim talked to my parents about my earrings and yes, i'm banned from wearing colourful earrings to school alrd. She also said i was chatty due to the influence of kat. And my conduct was excellent and i'm a role model student?! Seriously WTH. I was drinking water at that time and i almost spit it into miss lim's face -gives sheepish look- Even my father doubted me. Haqqan's parents went before mine and before he left, he called me a noob. -sticks tongue out at him- Went to pass a form to mrs liew and then saw him. Took revenge :>
First week of school holidays, i'm packed. Eng unsw and math unsw lessons + 3 whole hours of dance. SHIT. On the bright side , i'm only going back to school for the first week. :B
I feel like shutting myself out from the world .
All that pain and unhappiness , it's just too hard having to bottle it all up inside .
I want a hug from you .
I want my 12 hours sleep .
I don't want to go for dance during the holidays . (Even though there's only one cca session for the whole holiday )
And yes , fml , i've have to go back to school for math unsw and eng unsw . WTH .
However , there are also things i'm looking forward to .
-The youth camp in the third week :>
-Helping to paint CGM :>
-If i'm selected by pastor choo , i may need to attend a chinese camp to teach the primary school kiddies i think .
-Shopping !
-Youth outings probably ?
-Learning how to cook from grandma . :>
School was okay today . Well , i wasn't feeling very well . ILY .
You forced me into this , don't regret if something happens .
Don't force me to do things i don't like . I didn't text you just now because my phone died k . And the charger's at home and i only reached home at 7+ . Please , don't jump to conclusions .
Slacked in school today . I was either sleeping while listening to music or talking . B-O-R-I-N-G . ZZZ . Sat outside the classroom with kat . Went to lot 1 with her today . And we both went crazy as cotton on was having a sale ! :> Haha woman , we better go shop like mad ladies this friday:) Well , hanna decided to help me save money and she asked me for macdonalds instead of pizza:) I ate alot for today , oh shit . Oh well , going to start fasting . :>
23052010 :
Oh and i went to warren for rachel and xiuhui's b'day party last sunday:) Left the house at 5+ and went up to nat's house . I saw Aunty susy in the function room and i was like "Oh shit , forgot to buy xiuhui's present !" Chiong-ed to lot 1 to buy . The pooh bear so cuteee :> Went back to warren and joined the praise and worship . We sneaked out halfway through . Jonas , wanted to go up to yeeyang's house then asked us to pei him . Nat and i didn't want to . Jenn wanted to:) Haha joking ! But seriously i think she really wanted to . :> Ate dinner then took lots of mayonnaise covered prawns . Went to play after that . Ran alot , and got pissed by some people . Well , i
swear vow(changed it for the sake of jenn) never to have children next time:)
I'm sorry , really sorry . And since i didn't have time to say it to you today , i'll do it now then . I LOVE YOU .
I don't feel like going to school tomorrow at all . Like what's the point of going already ? We don't even have lessons . And i seriously don't have the mood to study already .
-I have parents who scold and nag at me every single day .
-I miss him so much , but we can't see each other very often . Well , i'll go emoing then .
-School's tiring me out alot and i don't want to wake up at 6 .
-I worry about everything .
-My eyes are swollen and red , and yes i'm blaming the tears .
Today was okay and i went out after pei-ing kat and hanna for the idol auditions . Again , i felt very weak and my whole body was super cold to the touch . Sorry for everything . I know i've hurt you deeply and i promise i'll make it up to you . Well , going to lock myself up in my room already . Bye .
I LOVE YOU .
Since you broke yours , why should i bother keeping mine ? Blame nobody else but yourself .
God's love for us never fails .
Lies , they are all lies . I can't take this anymore or i'm going to do things that i never dared to do . Well , i'll avoid you then .
Friday :
School was okay . I had a good time playing and talking with him again:) And i'm okay now , thanks for your texts , it really did help me alot:) Was bored during math lesson so drew smiley faces and wrote "haqqan sucks" on his hand with my PERMANENT MARKER when he was sleeping teehee . He woke up , saw the drawings on his hand , expected him to hit me but he didn't . "I don't hit girls" was what he said . -__- Instead , he was laughing then showed razi and hanna what i wrote . Okay weird . He covered his arm and went to the toilet to wash it off . When he came back , i decided to piss him off again:) Drew on his shirt haha ! This time , he took my ruler , told me to stretch out my hand , and hit me while saying "Naughty girl ah you . Next time don't be so bad" . I was laughing though:) Got back my history and MT results . Had sport's day . Congrats to hanna and kat for their medals ! :> Daddy fetched me home at 6.30 and we went to church after dinner . Well , slept downstairs again and it was awesome . :>
So my results for the MYE :
English : Not sure .
Maths : A1
MT : A1
Science : A2
History : A1
Geography : A1
Satisfied and happy :>
Tired , really tired . I don't know what to do with myself now . I see no point in crying over him . Well , nothing is forever in this world . I just have to get ready to face this cold and cruel world myself , alone . And i know i've never told you , that i love you , now it's all too late .
Sometimes , i feel like hugging you tightly , never letting go . I don't know how to hold you , but i want to .
Hanna , i love you for signing kat up for CCKSS idol:) I felt really empty today . Got back my results for geog ,math and sci . Got 64/70 for math , 51/60 for geog and 73/100 for sci . As i walked up to receive my paper , i forced myself to smile . I wanted to laugh and jump for joy but then i realised i couldn't . For the whole morning and afternoon , i was waiting . Waiting , waiting . I felt so weak , i slept through the whole of PE . I don't know what's happening but i HATE YOU .
Perhaps i should stop doubting you and trust you wholeheartly , but i just can't do it . I'm sorry . Well , i can't do anything anyway . Be angry for all you want . And i know you'll be reading this .
I'm seriously exhausted from all that waiting . I detest that feeling . You just don't know . Well , all i can do now , is to just reply "nothing:)" when you ask me what's wrong , give you a quick hug , run home , crawl into my bed and cry my heart out . I'm sorry , but..forget it .
Today was okay . Well , my old friend came back again and again , trying to harass me . I fell to its tricks and got myself all stressed up and moody . MOODY is a word that appears so often in my posts nowadays , that i think you guys are getting bored already . Look at me , what am i ?
Just a miserable , pathetic failure . Stop doing to me please . I can't take it anymore . I HATE YOU . And now i hate you more for making me say i hate you . Perhaps , i should just let go . YES , LET GO OF YOU . Perhaps , after letting go , i won't feel so stressed up , everyday , just waiting for you . Waiting for it , is like waiting for rain in a drought , useless and disappointing . I want you to get out of my life , but somehow , i just can't do it . I'm doomed , so doomed . Dropped into a hole so deep , i can't crawl out of it anymore . LIES , they are all lies .
Nothing much to say , my head's hurting like crazy and i can't sleep at all .
TIRED . @.@
The ICT lessons are killing me . The computer keeps lagging . -__- And i spent the whole morning and afternoon being harassed by my old friend again . Ate at macdonalds with kat and hanna . Walked to bus stop with hanna before rushing home:) Went out again .
I don't know what has gotten into me .
SEZAIRI SEZALI WAS IN MY SCHOOL ! Hanna got autograph and a photo with him .
ICT lessons , waiting for someone .
Oral lessons , counting down .
Went home , freshened up before going out . Walked around in void decks while playing truth or dare . Forced someone to eat instant noodles . Yes , i love the way you hug me , happy now ? Sorry but my old friend ain't going away so fast . I felt very weak that's why i kept pushing you away , wanted to faint , but told myself i couldn't do it in front of you . There's nothing you can do , since the hurt already been made . But , i still love you . Well , i'm not going to apply ointment or eat medicine , even though i'm having fever now . Guess that makes you happier .
Stop your lies please . I wont trust you anymore . Well , its too late for regrets .
I'm so sick of your "i thought this , i thought that" .
I'm tired , really tired .
Fine , i don't want anything now , will that do ?!
Sometimes , i really have to let go .
If you're reading this , i'm sorry but i'm really tired .
I'm gonna shop like some crazy lady tomorrow . GREAT DEPRESSION . SHEESH .
When can my old friend stop harassing me .
You won and i don't want to play anymore .
Took mrt then lrt to church today . Had worship . Haha had breakfast with nat , charlene , whitney , ambrose , jenn , jiale and enqi before going for service . Service was okay and i spent most of the time looking at nat's drawing hahas . :> nat and i drank too much green tea and we went to toilet for like 2 times . Benedict keep following us . ZZZ . Well , got bullied by him . Now stuck at home with nothing to do . Kill me please .
Well , the dare's still on .
I hate your guts , oh and i hate the whole of you too:)
Today didn't turn out well and yes , my old friend moodiness came back and i was moody for the whole day . It's going to be hard chasing it away again . Well , God , are you trying to make a fool out of me ? Just stop this please .
Sometimes i can't help but think that you're lying . Everything you said , are all lies .
Slept at 12+ yesterday and got woken up at 9 by daddy to go to have breakfast with grandma and grandpa . @.@ Daddy brought us to crystal jade and ordered my favourite xiaolongbao . <3
Walked around after that then went home to prepare for tuition . FML . I want sleep please . If not my old friend "moodiness" will come looking for me again . ( I had a hard time chasing it away ) Well , going to nap awhile so bye .
I'm finally free from exams . :>
I'm beginning to like maths , and that's a miracle . Math paper was quite easy but sci almost killed me . What's a molecule ?! What's a diatomic(or something) particle/molecule ?! Sheesh .
Math paper ended at 12 , bus-ed to lot 1 with kat and hanna . Bought friendship bracelets . Haha , hanna , belanjar me larh . :> Went to kat's house after that , played guitar then chatted . Haha , then did manicure . I sucked at it . I'm so gonna die tomorrow if miss lim sees my nails . She got super and i mean super sharp eyes . She can even see my green clip , even though i used my hair to cover it .
Sorry for being cold to you today , i couldn't help it .
Back from MIA . :>
The exams finish tomorrow ! Geog exam was okay and guess what , urban settlement and rural settlement not tested at all . And i stayed up yesterday night till like 11 plus to memorise all that stuff . -__- Well , i hope this week ends soon . Going for worship practise at CGM this thurs . :>
Oh well , the holidays are coming ! :> And there's youth camp , overnight praise and youth outings . I hope , seriously hope with fingers crossed , there will be no supplementary lessons or dance practices . Going for tuition soon bye .
Friday service yesterday was "good". :>
Using phone all the way to surf the internet . After that , went downstairs , hoping i could sleep . In the end , i didn't . Wished i had stayed upstairs .
LOVE IS A LIE . HAPPINESS IS FAKE . TRUST IS INSINCERE . This thought me not to believe in anyone except myself .
Why should i make myself suffer so much ? Just let go , michelle , you'll feel so much better .
Last retreat , my eyes twitched when the pastor prayed , it's because God is opening my spiritual eyes , letting me to released from any sexual desires . I read this in his book .
Holding on , which singer are you talking about ? If you're returning to your old , COLD self , does it mean i have to make you warm again ?
I should have listened to them . *slaps myself* Why didn't i listen to them ?
School was okay today and i laughed alot . :> Nothing much to post so bye .
Oh hey , sorry last few days got exam so can't meet and talk . Ermm next wed ba . See you . (:
Well , love is a lie , happiness is fake and trust is insincere . This is very true .
Really busy nowadays so won't be posting that much till the exams are over . :(
My Goals now :
-Stop saying the f-words and cut down on the damn(s) and shit(s) .
-Get super and i mean super good results so that i won't be grounded during the june holidays by The Parents .
-Learn how to stop crying so easily .
-Learn how to play the melody baby by justin bieber on the piano . Hanna , TEACH ME ! :>
-Learn how to stop being so curious about the pin codes in my phone .
School was awesome today . Eng paper in the morning was difficult . Crushed many pieces of paper . -__- Ate chicken chop during recess with kat and hanna , while studying for history .
History paper was okay and i crushed 2 sheets of paper . After the exam , Hanna went hyper , and started acting girly . LOL , i was laughing really hard . Bus-ed to lot 1 with kat and shopped before going home . I nothing to do , went to fiddle with the pin codes then sim card got locked .
Luckily Daddy brought me to west mall to change the sim card . There goes my $18 . -__- My phone's working well again and i have officially lost all my contacts .
Well , someone tried to force me to say 3 words by not letting the lift door close and in the end , went up with me . I still didn't say those words . Hope that someone's not pissed/angry .
Sorry , won't text you tonight . Will be resting early . Have an early night .
Help , i'm buried in history notes . Fml .
Today's supposed to be a hoilday , so why am i stuck at home , studying ? -__- Woke up at 9+ the ate breakfast before going to revise for history . @.@ What's so interesting about history ? OMG .
I'm sorry for everything okay . I told you , i can do many things i don't usually dare to do when i'm hyper , but that doesn't mean i'll go overboard . I have my limits also . Well , i'll explain more when we meet .
And to that someone : Stop acting like you know everything . BITCH . Oh and you wear like one also . HAHAHAHAHA .
Okay quick post , parents coming back soon . Pastor Choo shared about using the comp too much then now the paremts are kind of banning me from slacking and forcing me to study . -__-
I hate it when i don't have the mood to study and they keep forcing me to .
Went to church today . Daddy fetched me to grandma house and i grabbed a packet of gummies before walking to church myself . Reached there , practised piano then did homework . After youth , went for quick breakfast with nat , charlene , whitney , enqi and ambrose . :> Ate two pieces of prata . Yums . Haha , then went back at around 11 to play piano for service . :> Too many fast songs le , my hand cramp . >: Bye .
Well, i'm bored, there's nothing to do so i'm posting again.
