STRESSED.

I have been dozing off in class. Spending the whole week meaninglessly. What the hell am i doing?! I better pull up my socks and study hard. But, the problem is, i never do what i say. I'm such a pathetic failure.

1. I cut myself.
2. I don't pay attention in class.
3. I think i'm going to flunk geography. There's a test next week on so many chapters.
4. I don't understand graphs and mensuration.
5. I just feel pathetic.
6. I don't know how to write my unguided lit essay.
7. Dance is killing me.
8. It's the streaming year. If i don't buck up, i'm gonna have to bid goodbye to getting into a pure science class.

Tomorrow's going to be another hectic day with tuition and unsw lessons.

Well the tagboard's dead. Tag please!

I wished i was the child in Jesus's lap.
Was searching for christian songs on youtube when i came across this song, "You were on the cross". It moved me to tears. Jesus suffered so much for us, yet i kept complaining. I never felt so guilty in my life.

He was there in all of my sufferings.
He was there, in doubt and in fear.
He was there, when i attempted to cut myself.
He was there, to catch me, whenever i fell.
He was there, when you weren't with me.
He made me know, i wasn't alone, fighting this battle.
He made me know, he was here all along.
He was on the cross, VICTORIOUS.
I love you, JESUS.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Now, i feel much better.

If you dare to do it again, i tell you, i won't be that nice anymore. I'll go straight to the police.
You lied to us, DON'T YOU DARE TO CALL YOURSELF A CHRISTIAN.
I really don't know what happened to you.
You were so innocent, so friendly, so bubbly.
Well, that's the past.
Look at you, changed so much.
I don't even know who you are anymore.
You resorted to despicable means, to get what you want.
Why?
I did try to stop him from doing that.
I even told him, i would rather suffer everything myself, than to see you hurt.
But he had already made up his mind, i couldn't change it.
Still, i told him not to be too harsh in his words.
But why, why did you lie to us?
I was really really shocked when you sent me that text, saying you're the one who did all that.
I hope you'll understand why i'm doing this.
Hate me all you want, i don't care.
I believe that God will make you understand why we did this.
I'm sorry.
Its not too late to repent.
I just don't want you to continue doing this.

I was really tempted to cut myself just now. The things that happened today made me stop and think, if i made the right choice.

School was pretty okay. Rushed to lotone when assembly ended. Took 975, sat behind. LV came, sat beside me then took out his LOLLIPOP, and began to suck it, right in front of me. WTH.

I SAW CHARLENE!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 hahah, had lunch with her. Both of us ordered prawn mee, without eating the prawns. Went shopping after that. OMG I SO WANT THE BLACK JACKET AND THE RINGS AND THE BANGLES FROM COTTON ON. SHIT, I'VE GOT NO MONEY.

Sometimes, when i'm not sure whether i'm still alive, i cut myself.
The pain i feel, will tell me that i'm still living.

Back from church. Why can't church be like one full day? Well, i'm posting just to keep this blog alive. Bye.

I want to watch eclipse again :)

Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you'll find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.
Matthew Chapter 7:7

Today was okay, slept during d&t lesson.
Shared cheese fries with hanna after school.
Went back for eng unsw lesson.
Went home then daddy fetched me to tuition.
I'm practically acting like a dead person already.

She's being taken over by jealousy, she will do whatever it takes to get you. Why did she turn into this person whom i don't think i even know anymore. All i want is for you to come to your senses. It isn't too late for you to turn back.

Life's miserable.
Why can't God just give me a break from all these.
If the same thing happens again, i really don't know what to do already.
What's the point of living everyday in misery?
I might as well end it, once and for all.

I NEED HELP.

I'm super stressed. At a loss. I'm as good as dead.

Had alot of fun ytd watching eclipse. Shall not elaborate.

School's tomorrow again. Dance and unsw lessons everyday. Like whoa. Well, looking forward to the friday.